Intervista a Mirna Vottero: mamma in ascolto

Mirna è la mamma di Tommaso, un ragazzino che attualmente sta frequentando la terza media. Mirna è una mia personale amica che conosco da quando i nostri rispettivi bimbi erano nel pancione. Ho quindi vissuto con lei le difficoltà che ha incontrato con Tommaso e la cosa che mi ha sempre colpito è la capacità di entrare in sintonia con lui e ascoltarlo: sforzarsi di vedere gli ostacoli dal punto di vista del figlio in modo da riuscire ad aiutarlo. Sempre con un sorriso.

L’intervista

Partiamo dal passato

E’ stata dura

Quando ti sei accorta che Tommaso aveva delle difficoltà?

Io me ne sono accorta subito, all’inizio delle elementari. Alla scuola materna non abbiamo avuto particolari problemi a parte qualche difficoltà con la manualità. In prima elementare, invece, ha fatto una fatica disumana ad imparare a leggere, però lui è strabico, è nato a fine anno per cui nessuno mi ha mai detto che avrebbe potuto essere dislessico. Le maestre continuavano a dirmi che era molto piccolo e hanno continuato a dirmelo fino in quinta. Alla fine della quarta elementare ho anche scoperto che avevano addirittura pensato di fermarlo un anno proprio per farlo maturale, anche se, in realtà lui non andava male a scuola.

Poi in seconda, durante una visita con l’ortottico, mi è sorto il dubbio che ci fosse altro oltre allo strabismo e ai mesi di differenza rispetto ai coetanei e ho deciso di farlo visitare dalla n.p.i

mirna e tommasoQual è la diagnosi?

Lui non è solo dislessico: è dislessico, disgrafico, disortografico, disprassico e in terza elementare, nonostante il parere contrario della maestra, abbiamo scoperto che aveva una discalculia molto grave.

Qual è secondo te la difficoltà che gli crea più problemi?

Secondo me la disprassia. Anche la discalculia, però le altre difficoltà, bene o male, se incontri le persone giuste in qualche modo riesci ad aggirarle, la disprassia invece no. La disprassia crea problemi in tutto, in tutto quello che è manualità fine. Anche nell’allacciarsi le scarpe. Ora si aggiusta però è faticoso.

E a scuola? Tipo in disegno tecnico?

Mah! Quest’anno anche la professoressa si è stupita dei risultati che ottiene nei disegni! E mi stupisco anch’io perché Tommaso, poi, non ha la tridimensionalità per cui, per lui, certe cose non esistono. Poi magari ci sono disegni che non riesce a fare. Non si riesce a capire qual è il motivo per cui certi compiti riescono e altri no.

Tornando alle elementari, dopo la certificazione, sono andate meglio le cose?

Sì, le maestre hanno iniziato ad usare le misure dispensative e compensative. Soprattutto la maestra di italiano è stata attenta, mentre l’insegnante di matematica era vecchio stampo e non si rendeva conto che Tommaso poteva anche imparare le tabelline, ma poi non le sapeva usare! Addizioni e sottrazioni erano un disastro. Dopo che è andata in pensione è arrivato un maestro molto bravo: è stato l’unico periodo un cui Tommaso è andato bene di matematica.

E i compiti a casa?

I compiti a casa… (sospiro)… un incubo. Sono stati anni duri duri. Sono sempre riuscita a farglieli fare io, solo ora mi rifiuta.  Volevo frequentasse un doposcuola specializzato sui disturbi di apprendimento, ma lui è anche molto cocciuto, per cui è stato un buco nell’acqua. A inizio anno andava ad un altro doposcuola soprattutto per matematica. Non dico che nelle altre materie sia super autonomo però riesce abbastanza. La parte meno faticosa è sicuramente lo studio rispetto al compito vero e proprio. Ora fa da solo, ma per anni gli ho letto io le lezioni. In italiano poi potrebbe usare Leggi per me che è un software che legge i libri digitali che si possono avere tramite l‘Aid.  C’è una quota di iscrizione poi ci sono tutti i libri che ti servono e li puoi scaricare sul computer. Comunque è molto migliorato negli anni.

Il passaggio dalle elementari alle medie com’è stato?

E’ stato un sollievo! Per lui le elementari sono proprio state faticose, secondo me lui si sentiva diverso. Comunque, non so se sono solo le persone che ho incontrato io, ma i professori sono molto più preparati. Poi ci sono sempre le eccezioni, ma in linea di massima sono molto formati. Poi noi avevamo sbagliato iscrivendolo al tempo pieno alle elementari, invece avere mezza giornata a casa è un’altra cosa. E’ vero che sei molto più impegnato con i compiti, ma se sei stanco a casa puoi permetterti di riposarti mezz’ora: leggere topolino, uscire a giocare o guardare la tv.

E ginnastica?, visto che è disprassico.

In ginnastica ha sempre avuto dei professori molto bravi nonostante li abbia cambiati tutti gli anni. Lui la percepisce la differenza con gli altri e gli dispiace. Tommaso non va benissimo in ginnastica, però ha un metodo di lavoro e questo salta fuori. Noi che gli siamo sempre stati dietro dicendo “fai così, fai cosà” gli abbiamo costruito un modo di affrontare l’esercizio partendo dall’inizio e cercando di migliorarsi. Non vede ginnastica come un momento di divertimento, ma come un lavoro che va fatto in un determinato modo. Poi magari non riesce ma c’è l’impegno.

Non fa sport fuori dalla scuola?

Assolutamente no. Abbiamo provato a fargli fare di tutto durante gli anni: abbiamo dato un sacco di soldi alle società sportive perché magari partiva entusiasta e poi non ne voleva più sapere. Ha provato pallacanestro, pallavolo, kung fu, tutto tranne il calcio. Le uniche attività in cui riesce sono quelle individuali: nuoto ed equitazione. L’equitazione è stata lui a chiedere di fare la prova e abbiamo sempre trovato istruttori molto bravi. All’inizio aveva una ragazza che era anche una psicologa molto brava, ora ha un istruttore altrettanto valido. Quando va al maneggio si rilassa tantissimo. La lezione dura un’ora però poi si ferma a pulire il cavallo. A casa non muove un dito ma lì va tutto bene.

Ha amici che frequenta nel pomeriggio?

Pochi, molto pochi. Un po’ perché a questa età i ragazzi giocano tutti a calcio e lui è una schiappa. Allora succede che o non gli tirano la palla o non lo fanno giocare. A scuola si trova con altri, ma al pomeriggio ognuno ha i suoi impegni e quindi è più difficile. Poi a Tommaso piace proprio ancora molto giocare mentre i suoi coetanei hanno già altre cose per la testa.

Il prossimo anno che scuola superiore frequenterà?

Abbiamo valutato e visitato tutte le scuole, alla fine si è iscritto all’agraria e ora è entusiasta. La scuola di per sé non è tanto bella, ma è in un posto meraviglioso tra i frutteti. Credo che gli abbia dato l’impressione di libertà perché non rimangono solo in classe, ma escono a potare, imparano il trattamento degli ulivi con un progetto con l’Università, fanno la trasformazione dal frutto al succo di frutta. A lui è piaciuto tantissimo. Avrà qualche difficoltà nella manualità, ma vedremo. Il viaggio è un po’ lungo e mi preoccupa un po’ perché arriverà tutti i giorni alle 14.30

Sarà uno stimolo anche per crescere, imparerà a districarsi in situazioni diverse, senza di noi.

Un consiglio che vorresti dare a un’altra mamma?

Di non arrendersi mai. Nonostante le cose brutte che ti dicono, perché te ne dicono tante,  non arrendersi. Poi ci sono anche gli aspetti positivi, come in tutte le cose. Sono ragazzini straordinari che bisogna imparare a capire perché sono diversi dallo standard e allora bisogna avere pazienza di conoscerli bene. Poi quando li comprendi sei contenta di avere dei figli come loro. Certo è faticoso.

Ringrazio di cuore Mirna per l’intervista e se avete qualche domanda da farle, scrivete pure sotto quest’articolo oppure sulla pagina facebook di Strategie Bes

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